Aiden the 4.5 year old PISTOL

Aiden was officially 4.5 yesterday. I feel the need to mark this half birthday although we don't usually do that....but this time...it may be the last one he sees!! Yep 4.5 = no good, very bad, awful age here at our house. Our little aiden, this oh so precious, sweet, happy little boy...yep this one right here...

Is giving us a major run for our money! Don't let the sweet smiles fool you, he's a pistol right now. I love my son. I'd walk through fire for him. I love him more than I love myself so it is with a great amount of love that I am able to say that right now he is driving me flippin INSANE! The back talking, the negotiating, the sass mouthing me, the attitude, the open defiance, the whining & crying. Oh. My. Goodness. I cannot take much more! It is soooo mentally exhausting and to a momma who is already physically exhausted, it's just a bad combo. 

I cannot even tell you the amount of times this little boy has brought me to tears in the past few weeks. It's definitely been more than a couple. I am trying everything I know, everything I've learned about being a mommy in the past 4.5 years to try and guide this little boy into the well behaving, respectful, sweet kid I know he can be but he is openly pushing boundaries. 

To be really specific here, Aiden is still one of the sweetest kids I have ever met. He has an incredibly kind heart and that has not changed. He is very caring towards everyone around him. He really wants to be a pleaser. When people are hurting or sick or upset he is the first to try and comfort, to try and help. He worries when any one of us is not feeling well, he goes above and beyond to try to "help" me with parenting hallie. Sometimes this crosses the line and I have to remind him that I'm her mommy. 

In addition to the sweetness of his personality, he is incredibly smart. Now I'm not saying this in a mom "my kid is so smart" kind of way. I'm saying it like please God help us, he is too smart for his own good right now. He has a photographic memory (like his mommy) and can remember details about everything. He questions EVERYTHING, he wants to talk through EVERYTHING, he wants to negotiate EVERYTHING, he wants to look at a situation from all sides before he will be swayed to your way of thinking and again Please God, help us I now understand why my parents used to say "because I said so!!!!" Aiden wants to problem solve everything, He will not accept what he is told for just face value, he needs to understand the why. Oh and have I mentioned how stubborn he is?

Anyways to sum up Ben & I have been having lots of battles of the wills with aiden lately and we're both on the verge of pulling our hair out.  4 is by far the hardest year of parenting we have encountered so far. It's funny to me that all parents of newborns up until around the age of 3 think their kid is the most awesome, perfect baby/ kid in the world...and then there's parents who have 4 year olds and we openly are like yeah our kids are terrors, we don't know what happened??? 

Please Lord, help us to survive this time in our lives, Help us to parent aiden with the love, guidance, respect, and boundaries that he needs. Give us patience when we are running wayyyyy low on it and help us to remember that (hopefully) this is just a season and that (hopefully) the things we drill into him 1,000,0000 times a day are seeping in and making a difference. I believe they are cause I get glimpses every now and then, not usually with me, but when I overhear aiden with other people, strangers, friends, teachers. What we have taught him IS there. 

Just the other day in the grocery store a lady came up to me and told me what a good job I'm doing as a parent. She had had an interaction with aiden when we were getting a cart in which he used all his manners and then she said she had been observing me parent my 2 kids as we made our way through the store and wanted me to know what a good job I was doing. Yeah I totally got in the car and cried. Cause a lot of the time I don't feel like anything I'm doing is making a difference so it's really reassuring when you get affirmation that YES we are gonna get there. Eventually. 

Happy 4.5 aiden. I sincerely hope we all make it to 5 in one piece! Deep breaths. Positive thinking. Lots of love. Sucking it up and rebooting. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!