Toddler 411

So my frustration was very evident in my last post. My frustration and emotion and exhaustion and feelings of failure all factor into how I am handling this new phase we are in. I know first and foremost I have to get my reactions under control. In my defense I will say that it is VERY hard to manage how you are reacting when your child is meeting people for the first time, he is being awful and you know everyone is watching your reaction. So we've been home a few days now and I am trying to come up with strategies for "controlling the controllables". My thoughts and ways of dealing are always ACTION (I will study more, I will talk to more people, I will read books, I will try different approaches, etc. ) So we got home on tuesday...

Wednesday I went to barnes and noble and grabbed every toddler book that I thought even halfway pertained to what we are dealing with. I sat down and started reading. First of all I think there are a lot of "bologna" philosophies out there. Any book that talked about not disciplining or at least not spanking because it would "break the child's spirit" I immediately put down. There's other so called philosophies that say children act out because they are not shown enough love and attention and therefore act out to gain negative attention. I call that bologna also! Maybe as older children but not at this age and that is certainly NOT the problem with aiden. If anything he gets too much attention. The list goes on...theories about hurting little one's self esteem by disciplining them, hurts them socially when you don't allow them to stay in public settings. Blah blah. There was one book I came across and the first chapter dealt with disciplining a toddler and here is the first paragraph...

"Have you hit the PIZ? You know, the Parent Insanity Zone- that exact moment when you question WHY you had a child in the first place. While we agree that parenting is the most admirable job in the world, we also agree that living with a toddler sometimes makes parents consider selling their child on ebay....or at least turning their child over to grandparents (cause they can do a better job anyways, or so they say right?) No matter how many parenting books you read...sadly your child didn't get the same memo's, nor can he read yet. The actual parenting of a toddler is more like a prizefight than a classical ballet. In this corner, we have your toddler, weighing in at 27 lbs. Don't let his size fool you, he'll go ten rounds with an adult nine times his size and get a TKO. In the other corner, we have...you, the parent. In Vegas, we'd be betting on your toddler with 2:1 odds. It's not that we don't have faith in you, it's just that we know how resilient toddlers can be- by sheer determination, they figure out how to wear their parents into submission. Don't be embarrassed, we have all been there."

I read that paragraph and thought...They've met aiden!!! They figured out how to describe exactly what I was feeling during this weekend long nightmare with aiden. A prize fight! And it's SOOO true every time I thought I had won, we'd go another round. In the end he always won because I was so tired!!! The book goes into that with regularity you will lose the fight if you allow it to be played and then they give you little tidbits or "commandments" on how you don't allow that to happen. So far I'm really liking the book because it has logical advice and ways to deal SPECIFICALLY with different problems.

Then thursday I went to a ladies christmas party with the girls from my church. It was just ladies and it consisted of the 3 age groups that are closest...it was the young couples class, the young families, and the homebuilders so basically the ages ranged from probably early 20's to mid 40's. It was a great night of fellowship and I met some really neat ladies I didn't know because they are in different classes than me. Anyways, we started talking about our kids and raising kids and such and I told several about my problems with aiden and they all made me feel better. That it IS normal, he's NOT awful. I'm not the most horrible parent ever. They gave me a few tips and then some of the ladies that have older kids told me "to not sweat it too much cause just about the time you get this figured out, he'll move on to doing something else you won't know how to handle!" GREAT! Thanks for that ray of sunshine! Just kidding, I am happy to have friends who have been where I am. So all in all...my spirits are lifted. I feel better equipped to handle this now. The thing that startled me the most was how EVERY book and EVERY lady agreed that this terrible toddler thing just all the sudden happens! Just one day you have a beautiful, wonderful, charming, and cute little baby and then the next day you have an awful, crying, tantrum throwing, independent little toddler! Such are the days of our lives I guess...

Thanks to everyone who sent me emails, texts, phone calls, comments etc. giving me advice and tips. Everyone has said I know you are getting a bunch of advice right now BUT...please don't hesitate, I need advice, I need help. I'm all ears...I don't want to have to sell aiden on ebay or turn him over to his grandparents!